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NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary. If we
see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
will assume you are doing well financially and therefore
do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not
need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to
be and
therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof
of sickness. If
you are able to go to the doctor; you are able to come
to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called
Saturdays & Sun days.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you
can do for
dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort
should be made to have
non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare
cases where
employee involvement is necessary; the funeral should be
scheduled in The
late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
through your lunch
hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end
of three minutes,
and alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, the stall door will
open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted
on the company
bulletin board under he "Chronic Offenders" category.
Anyone caught
smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the
company's mental health
policy.
Lunch Break:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to
eat more, so
that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time
needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all
questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
aggravations,
insinuations,allegations, accusations, contemplation's,
consternation and
input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
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